December 5, 2010
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you don't wanna eat you don't wanna sleep, you don't wanna move you don't wanna breathe, you don't wanna laugh you don't wanna smile, you just wanna be alone for a while, you don't wanna play you don't wanna grin, you don't wanna buddy you don't wanna friend,you wanna give up your tired of trying, you feel like dirt you feel like dying.

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MakeItShine said...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Heart-wrenching. Consistent. Deep and profound. The only thing I would ask that you do differently is work on punctuation. I got lost a little but soon found my way. Still, it couldn't hurt to improve in that area. (: Otherwise, it is a great interpretation of extreme depression. Maybe add another paragraph or stanza with a little optimism? I don't know, I don't usually go for things that depress me (no pun intended) so that might make it even better, if there was a bright side of it all, a... (more »)
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