Everyones a Critic

September 3, 2009
By Anonymous

I once was wandering in the dessert
When I came upon an elder,
He handed me his umbrella
And said I’d need it for the weather.

To him I paid no attention
For in his mind things were not sound,
It was when I gave it back and went my way
That the rain came pouring down.


The author's comments:
I love ironic endings.

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This article has 28 comments.


on Jan. 15 2010 at 1:22 pm
Boosflash DIAMOND, Jacksonville, Florida
54 articles 0 photos 2066 comments

Favorite Quote:
Get, Got, Gotten.

i really like your comment.

on Jan. 15 2010 at 9:27 am
FlyLikeAnEagle94 PLATINUM, Kingston, Pennsylvania
24 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I write about me because I know about me," by John Lennon.

Ireally like this.

wimerh said...
on Oct. 21 2009 at 9:21 pm
Yes, i have actually. Im doing this for a school assignment. So don't criticize me.

on Oct. 3 2009 at 6:48 pm
jennee21_ann GOLD, Helper, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 568 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't gain the world and lose your soul....wisdom is better than silver or gold."

"You can always close a book, but you can never close the mind of a writer."

wow :) this is truly amazing! i really like this piece. i think it rhymes fine, and the rhythm is great! 5 stars :) check out some of my newest work if you could, i would love the feeback. oh and please keep writing, i like it!

on Sep. 29 2009 at 5:18 pm
Mandiella DIAMOND, Plaistow, New Hampshire
73 articles 58 photos 349 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't waste time. Start procrastinating now.

Funny :) How ironic. And by the way, I think "elder" and "weather" rhyme fine!

SquirrelGirl said...
on Sep. 28 2009 at 7:26 pm
Have you read the title yet?

Wimerh said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 9:39 pm
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be much better.

Wimerh said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 9:37 pm
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be a great deal better.


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