Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Everyones a Critic

By , Jacksonville, FL
I once was wandering in the dessert
When I came upon an elder,
He handed me his umbrella
And said I’d need it for the weather.

To him I paid no attention
For in his mind things were not sound,
It was when I gave it back and went my way
That the rain came pouring down.




Join the Discussion


This article has 28 comments. Post your own!

dreamer_believerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 3, 2009 at 6:48 pm:
wow :) this is truly amazing! i really like this piece. i think it rhymes fine, and the rhythm is great! 5 stars :) check out some of my newest work if you could, i would love the feeback. oh and please keep writing, i like it!
 
Boosflash This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 1:42 pm :
thank you captain. yopu really came out of nowhere.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
penguin35 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 5:18 pm:
Funny :) How ironic. And by the way, I think "elder" and "weather" rhyme fine!
 
Boosflash This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 1:42 pm :
merci captain.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Wimerh said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 9:39 pm:
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be much better.
 
SquirrelGirl replied...
Sept. 28, 2009 at 7:26 pm :
Have you read the title yet?
 
wimerh replied...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm :
Yes, i have actually. Im doing this for a school assignment. So don't criticize me.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Wimerh said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm:
I think you had a good concept for this poem. However, the second and fourth line of a quatrain have to rhyme, and i don't think that elder and weather really rhyme. Also, you could have better rhythm in the stanzas, because in a ballad, the first and third lines have to have eight syllables, and the second and fourth lines have to have six. I think if you change these details, your poem will be a great deal better.
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback