I'll be there watching you
As you puff up like smoke
I'll be there searching for you
When you lose yourself.
As you puff up like smoke
I'll be there searching for you
When you lose yourself.
Gwenndy
This is beautiful. It says a lot, but in only a few words. But haikus are 5, 7, 5. It consists of three lines. 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third. It takes practice and lots of counting. You'll get there soon. Good luck!
Thanks gwenndy! Yeah, I'll have to keep thud technicalities in mind next time! Appreciate your comment :)
KnitsandPurlsFirst of all congratulations on your Editor's Choice! That's awesome!
Also, I love the simple repitittion. In only four lines, you seem to have said much more. That is the beauty of poetry, and you have mastered it.
I have a piece of advice, but it is more technical than anything else. This poem does not follow the syllable sequence necessary for it to be a haiku, so I would have posted it in the free verse section.
Overall, I enjoyed this. Excellant, strong work!
P.S. I have a h... (more »)
Hey, thanks for the advice. I appreciate it very much. Actually I haven't done haiku specifically in school but I did try to know about it from the Internet. The seven syllable thing is very confusing. shall research more! :D thanks again
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