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When 'Us' Begins.

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Hopelessly in love,
Waiting for that one moment,
Where you love me too.

When we stop being-
Friends, friends, nothing but friends yet-
When you and I become 'us.'

When will that day come?
I have no earthly idea.
But until that day--

I'll laugh at your jokes,
Smile when you are teasing,
And just wait for 'us.'



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ephemeral said...
May 27, 2013 at 12:21 am
This is so sweet, and like other comments said, relatable. You might consider getting rid of the apostrophes around us, so that it doesn't have to be a fake abstract idea and become a real thing you're talking about, nor does it have to cause break in the flow of your line. It's dreamy how you wrote "earthly" specifically for your clue about your future together, implying that perhaps on a level of heaven, your soul does know and is also quietly waiting with you because you... (more »)
 
Rebecca.xx replied...
May 27, 2013 at 10:43 am
Wow, thank you so much! It really means a lot to get praise from such a wonderful author as you are (I've read and loved your work!). I'm glad you perceived the idea that perhaps e love could not work on this lifetime, on this earth, but only in heaven and the stars. Thank you so much!
 
Metal4Life said...
May 21, 2013 at 10:02 pm
This is so relatable for me as a reader! It defiantly hooked me in, as a fish on a hook. Job well done! You have great talents!
 
becca.37 replied...
May 22, 2013 at 8:52 pm
Thank you so much! I've actually been told my writing is horrific recently, and I nearly gave it up. Comments like this help keep me motivated to continue despite hate!
 
shadowkiss96 said...
May 21, 2013 at 8:33 pm
It's a pretty poem... Sorry I can't really provide you with more feedback, im not to great with haiku's
 
becca.37 replied...
May 22, 2013 at 8:53 pm
That's fine, I appreciate your positive encouragement!
 
dragonsandthree said...
May 21, 2013 at 7:47 am
This is another amazing haiku!
 
becca.37 replied...
May 21, 2013 at 7:55 pm
I actually didn't mean to write this one on haiku format- the stanzas just happened to flow that way!
 
Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 20, 2013 at 10:52 pm
This is great: soo sweet! I love it <3 Keep rockin
 
becca.37 replied...
May 21, 2013 at 5:37 am
Thanks so much!
 
iDani-iBeauty said...
May 20, 2013 at 7:36 pm
- Good Job ! It Was Short Sweet And To The Point . It Was Very Relatable And I Love The  Title And Picture !  Feedback Needed Please ! :)
 
becca.37 replied...
May 21, 2013 at 5:39 am
Thank you! I love the picture as well, I was so excited when I found it.
 
Chichot123 said...
May 20, 2013 at 10:52 am
Simple, beautiful and easy to relate to. I love it!!! :D 
 
becca.37 replied...
May 21, 2013 at 5:39 am
Awesome, I'm glad you liked it and could relate! Thank you for reading :)
 
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