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Brooklyn Bridge

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I saw her daily
Staring down at the water
And one day, she jumped.

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This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

BeilaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 9:48 pm
Just like that, a life ends. I'm glad that you used a haiku for this poem; in the time it takes you to read those 17 syllables, someone somewhere has jumped....
Elliot. replied...
Mar. 24, 2015 at 10:00 am
You are very insightful! I didn't even think about this when I wrote and posted this poem, but you are absolutely right.
Amai-kun This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 12:27 am
I would suggest changing the middle line to "looking down to the water" to keep it within the syllable count, but other than that, beautiful. Short, meaningful, very poetic.
Elliot. replied...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 3:59 pm
"looking down to the water" and "staring down at the water" have the same syllable count, unless you're pronouncing the words differently than I am.
Amai-kun This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 23, 2015 at 6:41 pm
Somehow I read that as 'into'...? @-@ I do apologize, that was my fault. *sigh*
OldYoungOne said...
Oct. 11, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Talk about an eye opener. Its like a smack in the face with that last line. Good job at waking the reader up. I must say. I wouldn't change anything. But I will ask where did you get the idea from.
Rayynbow replied...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 11:17 am
I was just sad one day, and somehow this is what I thought of.
Laugh-it-Out This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2013 at 7:18 pm
wow. truly breathtaking. keep up the amazing work and keep rockin
CrazySissi said...
Sept. 17, 2013 at 10:40 pm
This poem is very literal but truely captures your attention.
AlaskaFrost This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 28, 2012 at 4:59 pm
This haiku is so expertly written! You pack a lot of meaning and depth into such a small poem, but it's so beautiful. Its minimalism allows it to appear simple but to also be very complex. This is perfect.
IAmWhoIWantToBe said...
May 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I like how this poem can be interpreted in many ways. It doesn't lock the readers in one meaning. I also like that you got the hang out of this haiku (most people don't :D) I think this is a very great job although I'm not sure with the title.
Taconut7 said...
Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I usually dont' like very short poems but this one packet a punch!
vetlover21 said...
Apr. 14, 2012 at 11:46 am
 yesit is a nice poem but i title ocnfused me i it sound like it's suicide but i'm not really sure what your talking about but i think it's amazing how you feel so confident that you can write a thre line poem andtry to put a story in it. iamost getit but this is just my opinion. keep writing and let me know if there's anything you want me to read
JoPepper said...
Apr. 14, 2012 at 10:37 am
This is fantastic! I loved how simple and direct is was! Very good job, keep writing!
dark_armor1 said...
Apr. 10, 2012 at 8:55 pm
wow i actually LOVED this one!! and trust me i am extremely picky with poems but thise one was good! excellent job!!
gb12197 said...
Apr. 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm
this is amazing. there is so much meaning in it even for such a small poem. you are a great writer :)
eternal_sunshine said...
Apr. 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Very beautifully done. As others have said, it really made me think. I am impressed at how much meaning you packed into three lines. Really nice job :)
AgentOrange789 said...
Apr. 1, 2012 at 12:40 am
Wow. I'm really amazed. This really made me think a lot. 
dreamshaker This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I'm absolutely amazed by how much meaning and emotion you've packed into so few words. This was simply beautiful. There is honestly not a single thing I would change in this - it's perfection.
This was very powerful - one of the best haikus that I've seen on Teenink so far. It should be in the magazine.
NickyJ said...
Mar. 30, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I agree with beautifulspirit. At first I thought it was a run-of-the-mill suicide poem, but I read it again and after some thought processing I recognize some layers here. I see a layer of guilt, a layer of depression, a layer of lonlieness, a layer of desperation, a layer of unknown.

It's ambiguous, but it really does carry a lot of weight. I think, although not about nature, this is a prime example of how significant a Haiku should be.
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