Brooklyn Bridge

March 21, 2012
By SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"


I saw her daily
Staring down at the water
And one day, she jumped.


The author's comments:
Written and posted March 21, 2012: a hypothetical poem.

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This article has 23 comments.


on Mar. 24 2015 at 10:00 am
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

You are very insightful! I didn't even think about this when I wrote and posted this poem, but you are absolutely right.

Beila BRONZE said...
on Mar. 23 2015 at 9:48 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Just like that, a life ends. I'm glad that you used a haiku for this poem; in the time it takes you to read those 17 syllables, someone somewhere has jumped....

on Mar. 23 2015 at 6:41 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

Somehow I read that as 'into'...? @-@ I do apologize, that was my fault. *sigh*

on Mar. 23 2015 at 3:59 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

"looking down to the water" and "staring down at the water" have the same syllable count, unless you're pronouncing the words differently than I am.

on Mar. 23 2015 at 12:27 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I would suggest changing the middle line to "looking down to the water" to keep it within the syllable count, but other than that, beautiful. Short, meaningful, very poetic.

on Oct. 12 2013 at 11:17 am
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

I was just sad one day, and somehow this is what I thought of.

OldYoungOne said...
on Oct. 11 2013 at 3:16 pm
Talk about an eye opener. Its like a smack in the face with that last line. Good job at waking the reader up. I must say. I wouldn't change anything. But I will ask where did you get the idea from.

on Sep. 24 2013 at 7:18 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

wow. truly breathtaking. keep up the amazing work and keep rockin

on Sep. 17 2013 at 10:40 pm
CrazySissi GOLD, Newman Lake, Washington
19 articles 10 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
My only love sprung from my only hate. Too early seen unknown and known too late.

This poem is very literal but truely captures your attention.

on May. 28 2012 at 4:59 pm
AlaskaFrost GOLD, Acushnet, Massachusetts
17 articles 7 photos 131 comments
This haiku is so expertly written! You pack a lot of meaning and depth into such a small poem, but it's so beautiful. Its minimalism allows it to appear simple but to also be very complex. This is perfect.

on May. 4 2012 at 6:56 pm
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
41 articles 0 photos 650 comments

Favorite Quote:
‎"I’m learning how to drown out the constant noise that is such an inseparable part of my life. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world: I run my world." - Beyoncé

I like how this poem can be interpreted in many ways. It doesn't lock the readers in one meaning. I also like that you got the hang out of this haiku (most people don't :D) I think this is a very great job although I'm not sure with the title.

Taconut7 GOLD said...
on Apr. 16 2012 at 9:41 pm
Taconut7 GOLD, Cohasset, Minnesota
17 articles 1 photo 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life's challenges are not to bring you down, they are to help you become a stronger and better person! -Me

"If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will forever live its life believing it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

I usually dont' like very short poems but this one packet a punch!

on Apr. 14 2012 at 11:46 am
vetlover21 SILVER, Bronx, New York
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"changeing for pople doesn\\\'t make you friends for life, staying yourslef does."

 yesit is a nice poem but i title ocnfused me i it sound like it's suicide but i'm not really sure what your talking about but i think it's amazing how you feel so confident that you can write a thre line poem andtry to put a story in it. iamost getit but this is just my opinion. keep writing and let me know if there's anything you want me to read

on Apr. 14 2012 at 10:37 am
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

This is fantastic! I loved how simple and direct is was! Very good job, keep writing!

on Apr. 10 2012 at 8:55 pm
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD, Kissimmee, Florida
16 articles 0 photos 98 comments
wow i actually LOVED this one!! and trust me i am extremely picky with poems but thise one was good! excellent job!!

on Apr. 10 2012 at 4:45 pm
gb12197 PLATINUM, Bridgeport, Pennsylvania
20 articles 3 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"next time you feel like a failure, think about how you are alive, and you have the opportunity to be successful."

"i don't have an attitude, i have a personality you can't handle"

"i am weird"

this is amazing. there is so much meaning in it even for such a small poem. you are a great writer :)

on Apr. 2 2012 at 4:15 pm
eternal_sunshine SILVER, Minnetonka, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.

Very beautifully done. As others have said, it really made me think. I am impressed at how much meaning you packed into three lines. Really nice job :)

on Apr. 1 2012 at 12:40 am
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where."
-James Clavell, "Shogun"

Wow. I'm really amazed. This really made me think a lot. 

dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 8:11 pm
dreamshaker, Clarkston, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 64 comments
I'm absolutely amazed by how much meaning and emotion you've packed into so few words. This was simply beautiful. There is honestly not a single thing I would change in this - it's perfection.
This was very powerful - one of the best haikus that I've seen on Teenink so far. It should be in the magazine.

on Mar. 30 2012 at 7:55 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

i agree completely-so little word, such a big message and so much depth.  this was beautifully written.


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