The White Swan

The water ripples
as it makes way for you, the
princess of the lake.





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This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

snowleopard100 said...
May 25, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I love the idea of nature making room for nature--the picture really went along with the poem's theme. Calm and mellow is why I like and you took that theme to a whole new level involving the beauties of nature
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 26, 2012 at 10:18 am
Thanks for that!
 
dragonfly95 said...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:49 am
this i love! three lines that read like more, i adore :) :o
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 11:50 am
Thank you!
 
Josika.Nav said...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 1:55 am
hey! this is so peaceful and elegant . i love the way you have called the swan as the princess of the lake. great work  and keep writing! XD
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 8, 2012 at 6:19 am
Thank you~ I was trying to relate to the story behind the white swan.
 
NickyJ said...
Mar. 17, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's a very subtle, and very peaceful. "The water ripples" is so simple but it works so well.

I've never been quite fond of Haiku, this is pretty good.

 
NickyJ replied...
Mar. 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

*But* this is pretty good.

Sorry, typo lol

 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 17, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Cool thanks for commenting~
 
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile said...
Feb. 23, 2012 at 10:49 pm
it's simply beautiful and so much elegance packed in such a short poem :) great job
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 24, 2012 at 5:15 am
Thanks for commenting~
 
AlwaysAbditive said...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 10:14 am
Short but powerful. Great job. And the picture suits it perfectly! Keep writing!
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 10:19 am
Thank you for your comment~
 
snaomi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 11:12 am
I love this. Its do simple and so elegant
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 11:15 am
Thank you---I was kinda going off of the story behind the white swan. Thank you for your comment~
 
snaomi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 11:20 am
That's why I like it - the "princess" line is such a quiet reference. :)
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 11:21 am
I'm worried that some readers will think it is too cheesy. Do you think so?
 
snaomi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 11:30 am
I think that's a potential with most haikus, but the reference makes it a little more edgy - maybe the only thing I would think about is the word "ripples". There may be a slightly more unique way to describe the movement of the water. I don't think it's a huge deal though. I like it a lot.
 
beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Thank you again for your comment~
 
LoudDreamer replied...
Feb. 4, 2012 at 1:53 pm
very good, very elegant! Great job!
 
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