Lovely Kisses

April 25, 2011
Our lovely kisses,
are like tiny static shocks,
that connect us now.





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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

Alon_Freevoice said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:50 am
Very sweet :)))
 
hanging_girl_666 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:08 am
Wow.  My first kiss sounds like this...
 
SamiLou said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:35 pm
i love the imagery of "tiny static shocks". beautiful! it reminds me of seeing fireworks when you kiss someone :) but you might want to reconsider the placement of the word "now". if it was me i would put it after "that"
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Thanks! Yeah, the 'now' annoys me, but I needed that fifth syllable.
 
SamiLou replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm
I was thinking make it into "that now connect us"
 
Alon_Freevoice said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:43 am
hmm.. sweet? yes, definitely sweet..
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Um, thanks. It is supposed to be sweet.
 
JoPepper said...
Jun. 5, 2011 at 11:32 am
Yeah that is really good!!!!!:))
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 5, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Thanks! :)
 
JoPepper replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 9:51 am
You're welcome!!!!! ;))
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Interesting! I see that you like haiku.
 
HaleyDRog. replied...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I really love this piece. It has a great and unique message!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:31 am
Thank you both! :)
 
Aria.ElaborateSolo replied...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 7:03 pm

i like the image of tiny static shocks...

but i was wondering if maybe you could have the tilte be "static" because the image of kisses is something that is used often

 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Thank you! I like the title as is though. :)
 
Shadowrider replied...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Great poem. Absolutely fantastic! The imagery is really amazing!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Merci beaucoup!
 
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