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January 8, 2011
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Heavenly clouds sparkling
At the dawn of a brand new day
All is right in the world

Cheerful spring morning
Little animals playing
Frolic in the meadow

Lazy afternoon drags
Bathing in beams overhead
Sun shines high in the sky

Westward sun hangs in open air
Arrays of warm hues fill the spaces
Orange red yellow

Evening shadows
Sun sets for another day
Over the horizon

Wolf howling to the moon
Abandoned and alone
Crying out into the night





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This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 30, 2013 at 4:48 pm
Each perfectly potrays a different scene in nature. 
 
Ethereal This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 7:42 am
I absolutely love the image you chose, plus the title, though the haiku could stand well just for itself, I like how you illustrated a day passing- I especially enjoyed the first two stanzas (maybe I'm just a morning person) and the last contrasts so well with the first, the only thing I can say is that some of the sections aren't the right format for haikus (5,7,5) and also, I agree with TanGem, some of the phrases are a little cliche.
 
BoosflashThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I do love the drastic change captain. all is well my dear, very nice and well written.
 
xx..PieIsAwkward..xx said...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 10:01 pm
I liked how you started at dawn and went into night, taking it one stage at a time. True, each Haiku seems very seperated from the rest, but if they weren't together like this, they probably wouldn't make much sense, and wouldn't seem as beautiful as they do when shoved together. Definitely like, especially the last one about the wolf :D
 
TanGem This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 4:25 pm

This is good, although I don't understand how each stanza flows to the next. Nature is not fragmented, so I don't really like how you've created a fragmentary piece.

Some phrases seem a bit cliche, such as "shines high in the sky." Can you find a more creative way to express those?

Overall, good inspiration.

 
super_nerd This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Great use of imagery! Yes, I also like how the last haiku is disconnected. "shift in tone" I would call it. It seems like you're confessing something almost, like we expect you to say happy things, when the last image is really on your mind. I feel like you are truthful in your writing, if that makes any sense
 
DaughterofEvil said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 6:45 pm

I basically agree with what Tatiel said... they beat me to it. It was as if you were a bit disconnected from everything. It was almost as if you were God-like, omniscently looking down upon the world.

3.9/5

 
Tatiel said...
Feb. 15, 2011 at 7:36 pm
I like this poem! Love the transition from morning to night. I agree that the transitions between the stanzas are not super smooth, but I like it that way. I like the slightly...disconnected feel with the smoothly flowing topic. Very pretty! Good job capturing the images. 
 
timeformetofly7 said...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Ooh, i liked how like morning turned into night... That was really beautiful :) i liked it!!! it felt pretty
 
AmandaPanda123 said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 4:54 pm
This is very beautiful and inspiring :)
 
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 6:35 am
i really can't describe how to judge this. as a whole, it seems fragamentary and doesn't really flow. as single parts, though, each haiku is beautiful and flawless. great poetry- keep writing!
 
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