Summer's Funeral

Ol' Grim dug a grave
For the passed away summer
Leaving no tombstone





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MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 23, 2010 at 8:00 am

Again, loving the imagery...but the second line seems off. The syllables are fine, but I'm not sure if "For the passes away summer" is the best way to write it. 

I might have written it, "For the late summer, who passed." But that's just me, and since I don't think that grammatically there is anything wrong with the way you've built the line I can't say for sure what's wrong with it.

Four stars :)

 
MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 23, 2010 at 8:01 am
*passed. Sorry for the typo. 
 
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