Affectionate Darkness

September 5, 2010
Your light is darkness
Shining brighter than anything,
In your heart so cold

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MayaElyashiv This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 23, 2010 at 7:57 am

Alright, so first off: the second line should have seven syllables. Yours has eight. 

The third line reads awkwardly...I think it should be, "In a heart so cold", because we already know whose heart you are talking about. 

I like the contrast between the descriptions, how the person being described is blindingly dark. 

Perhaps this just wasn't meant to be a reads really weirdly. Three stars because I enjoyed the imagery, but the form is of... (more »)

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