I would get invited out whenever something was happening.

Hell, we didn’t need a reason

We were young, the world was ours, nothing could kill us.

So very basic of us.

Each time I was having the time of my life.

But only now have I realised that every time

Every glass of wine

Every shot I have taken

Every drunken conversation

Every moment of what I thought was fun

Was like a crack on glass.

It creeps on you slowly

You never notice until it starts affecting your perception

Or how you view the damaged item.

Just some wine to get us started

And we could go all night long

Doing party favours

Spending money like we have it.

But the high leaves you

And you face reality.

You look in the broken mirror

Can you recognise yourself?

Suddenly you’re not sixteen anymore

And you panic.

But you looked happy

You laughed yesterday

You have no reason to cry.

Party people don’t get hurt .

How fucking blind people can be.

I want people to want me

Sober me.

I’m tired of feeling broken

Putting on the mask exhausts me.

But I perfected that art of disguise

Do I know who I really am anymore?

I scream for help but it’s muffled by fear.

Now the glass of wine is filled with blood

Shot glasses full of tears

We talk about how broken we are

It’s not fun anymore

But it’s the same people

We just drained the bottle of happiness

The fragile glass leg snapped

Will we follow?

I’m not sixteen anymore

The glass broke

The mask fell off

Time to get better.

What does it mean?

I got so used to tears rolling down my face

Cause I’m pretty when I cry.

Emotional intimacy helped me

Someone gave me a taste

Shared their demons

It was like tasting whisky for the first time

Smokey, mysterious, it burns your insides but you want more.

Turned out he was worse than me

And I wished to be his crutch.

He said he never needed one

He pushed me away.

But he says we will be better

I have regained control

For now.

I don’t cry myself to sleep

I destroy myself in other ways -

I wait. I haven’t lost hope yet.