I had an attack last night | Teen Ink

I had an attack last night

May 23, 2018
By Dylan_Writes BRONZE, Aliso Viejo, California
Dylan_Writes BRONZE, Aliso Viejo, California
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

And now I just feel
Nothing.
Like some cosmic tide
Is sucking
Pulling my feet from the sand
Pulling the fog from my head
Through my mouth.
Which calls out
Drowned out
By nothingness.

 

I had an attack last night

And I can’t even look up
To heaven.
There’s the whole Earth trapped
In my chest
Replacing my heart.
God, to cry to
God
And to believe He can
(Will)
Answer.

 

I had an attack last night

Like my whole mind was collapsing
On top of itself
And me
In plague-panic.
Short-circuit.
Insane
To not know anything
If it's real
Or if I’m just
Weak.

 

I had an attack last night

But I’m still scared as hell.
Of lying back
And sitting up
And running
Falling
Praying.
I know this route
Myself.
I’m scared of nothing changing
I’m scared of needing change.


The author's comments:

I wrote these poems after a experiencing a breakdown of anxiety and sadness, with my thoughts quivering and unsure. I didn't even know how to talk to God after experiencing this, like it was somehow too much for Him to handle. He is teaching me every day that He will give me peace when I need it. No conditions. No shame. Just real, tender love. 


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