My brain feels dry | Teen Ink

My brain feels dry

May 4, 2018
By Anonymous

I am eleven and I don't like my teacher
She yells at me when I want to be small
she pushes me out into the open
She yells at me, yells at me
She makes me see why i'm broke
I don't want to get up in the mornings
I am angry

A boy blocked my path and everyone laughed at the show
There's animal fur on my jacket and Im a mess
My hair is ugly
I don't look like a real girl and that's why no one likes me

A girl mutters under her breath how i bring everyone else down when I don't practice
Shes right
“What did you say,” I muttered
“Wasn't talking to you”
“Bring your f***ing music sheets”
“My mama would beat my a** if i acted like you”

At the last concert of my middle school career I look out proud
I gave it my all to my last performance
“That was bad”….

“Kidding kidding”
I didn't practice because I don't want to get up in the morning
She made me angry

in the end of the year we still took a picture together
I dressed up in my blue summer dress to get my classmates attention for the last time
I looked different and it was the only time I was ever really noticed by them
I had a good time being noticed
I hated it
It made me angry

There hands graze my back and my body for moments at a time
It feels bad like a venom seeping through my pores
but i don't say anything
It was an accident
An accident...
That happens multiple times a day
I want to rip off my dirty skin that attaches me to this classroom
Then i'll no longer be angry

My mother tells me that we need more “carrot and pole” methods to improve my grades
I used to be smart
When did i break
I will never be a genius
She tells me i deserve military school
My father takes her side
There's yelling everyday
I hate her

She yells at me in her piercing scream as i try to become small
“Do you want to be mistaken for a boy”
I know that's no way to catch my peers eye
No way to be loved
Its sexist if you don't like dressing up
What do you have against being feminine
I feel shame

No matter how hard I cry about it I'm never good enough
I want to run away
Then i'll no longer feel angry

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