Dear Father

April 12, 2018
By Julian.Nicholas BRONZE, Newark, Ohio
Julian.Nicholas BRONZE, Newark, Ohio
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Dear father,


I am me

I am my own person

And I make my own choices


You are you

And you are your own person

And you make your own choices


But sometimes those choices hurt

I’ve had to leave people in my life

The ones that have hurt me


I am different

I know I am

Everyone knows I am

I was born wrong

With the wrong parts

The wrong brain

The wrong everything

But I am me

And I can’t help what I am


You hurt me

You fill me with emptiness like a black hole that swallows up time and space


I am me

And I take things to heart

I feel everything to the highest degree possible

And when you hurt me

It feels like a million needles stabbing into me

All twisted one by one


I am me

And I can’t help what I am

I know that I am different


I know


I know


You are you

And I can accept that

I am me

Why can’t you accept that too?


I can fix what I am


I can make everything right


You can too


If you stop throwing those long, sharp daggers at me
The ones the penetrate deep into me with the force of a thousand men

If you stop throwing all of your hate at me

You too can feel better

You too can be new

I am me
And I want to be me

I like who I am

You are you
And you want to be you

You like who you are


What if someone hurt you too.

What if they stripped you of your thick layer of skin like you did me.
Think of that before you dig that knife deep into me
Going right through my rib cage hitting my lungs
making it so I can’t manage to take in a breath of air


Think of how you would feel if I didn’t accept you

If I hurt you like you hurt me

Think


I am me

And I will not change for you


I will never stop fighting this intense battle that fills my eyes
with tears every single time I breathe.

You are sitting in my way like a brick wall reaching towards space and too
far across for me to run.


I don’t need you to be true to myself

You do not make my choices for me

You are not me

I am me


The author's comments:

This poem is about my struggle with coming out to my father as transgender. I wrote this poem trying to make it open to anyone's situation. It's all about struggle and how much it can affect you. 


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