Self-Doubt

April 19, 2018
By J_Van BRONZE, Albrightsville, Pennsylvania
J_Van BRONZE, Albrightsville, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I’ve long since held a pain,
Held myself in some disdain.
I turned every minor malady
Into a form of calamity.

I have never hated another man,
Even when I was hurt by some plot or plan,
Yet for myself I did feel a need
To question and doubt my every deed.

Many in my life have told me I am smart.
Family, friends have all told me my thoughts are art,
But I never quite felt that way;
I doubted and disdained myself every day.

Since then I have grown.
I have in certain ways come into my own.
I have learned that we all have our doubts,
But eventually we learn what life is really about.
We start life small and insignificant, but not alone;
Our family does their best to make us feel at home.
Every little quirk our friends laugh off and condone,
But in the end, it is us that must make our own body a home.


The author's comments:

This is a true observation on my inner psyche during my early years of high school. Back when I was in 9th and 10th grade, I had severe self esteem issues. No matter how many friends I had, no matter what successes, they were all undermined by this gnawing doubt that I didn't deserve any of it. I carried an underlying doubt that my friends didn't truly like me, that I wasn't what they thought I was. I also frayed under the stress of taking honors classes when I didn't believe I was capable of completing them.

 

Four years after entering the high school, I'm a completely different person. I've gotten over the low amount of self-esteem I saddled myself with, and I now have the confidence to not only overcome those issues, but to now talk and write about them. Nowadays, the only remnent of my old self-esteem issues is a rather biting sense of self-depricating humor.

 

I hope this helps those who are wrestling with their own issues. Know that the pain is temporary, that you are worth something. One day you'll look back on the days you hated yourself and realize that it was all in your mind. One day, I hope, you can make your body a home.


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