Maybe...

April 9, 2018
By jayfeather1203 BRONZE, Lakeville, Minnesota
jayfeather1203 BRONZE, Lakeville, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it." -Edgar Allen Poe


Do you ever feel tired?
Tired of everything?
‘Cause I do.
I feel worthless,
Broken
I know people care,
But I feel so alone

I don’t want to die
I only want the pain to end.
But I can’t do It.
That would destroy my family.
I just…
I just don’t want to be here anymore.

Sometimes, I feel selfish because of the way I feel
My life is so amazing compared to others
I feel like I have no reason to feel this way
But I still do.
I want it to stop
I want to be happy again.
I don’t want to be so sad anymore
I want to be better

I want to live.
But…
I want the pain to stop
People don’t kill themselves because they want to die,
They kill themselves to stop the pain.
It doesn’t though,
It only transfers the pain to someone else,
And maybe,
Just maybe that’s why I’m still here.

I’m scared that the pain, MY pain, will be transferred.
I’ve lived with it for so long,
But I feel like I can’t live with it anymore
I’m scared.
I’m not going to do It though
I don’t want anyone else to feel this way.

People like me, the depressed, suicidal, mentally ill,
Try to be kind to everyone,
Can talk people out of bad things,
Because
We know how it feels to hate every fiber of yourself,
To want to die,
To be in pain
And nobody should ever feel that way.

They say the saddest people are the kindest,
The suicidal are the most gentle,
Because they know what it feels like,
To feel worthless,
And would rather hurt themselves than anybody else.

My name is Rylie,
I live in the United States,
I have Autism,
Aspergers,
Severe Depression,
Severe Generalized Anxiety,
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,
And an eating disorder.

I feel broken,
Anxious,
Depressed,
Tired,
Sick,
Ugly,
Worthless,
Damaged.

I want to give up,
But I won’t.
I can’t do that to my family.
Maybe I will never be successful,
Maybe I will be a middle school dropout because I couldn’t get out of bed
Maybe I will never amount to anything.

But maybe,
I’ll do homeschool so I don’t need to leave the house,
Maybe I’ll write a book,
Maybe, one day I will finally feel like I belong.
Maybe I’ll cure cancer,
Maybe I’ll save a life.
Maybe… I’ll feel happy again.
Maybe, I’ll have a child someday

That’s what keeps me going.
That’s why I’m still here.
I want to make a difference,
Maybe saving myself is all I can do right now,
But maybe that’s all I need to do

I may never feel beautiful,
I may never feel wanted,
I may never be happy again,
But if I can save someone from what I’m going through,
I can feel complete.

My name is Rylie,
And I will not give up.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Jul. 14 at 2:40 pm
Malcolm_Chase GOLD, Madison, South Dakota
17 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
Not all those who wander are lost
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it
- Confucius

Believe you can and you're halfway there
- Theodore Roosevelt

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
- Aristotle

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!
- Audrey Hepburn

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller

You did a really great job, @jayfeather1203! Finding a reason for living and going on is vital for everyone, and (I'm assuming this is a true poem) I'm glad that you have a good reason. I love this poem, this great work, and I hope to read more of your work. Don't give up, you have a talent, I hope you use it well. :)




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