People act like love is all rainbows and curly fries with an endless stream of appetizers.
Love is more like biting into an overcooked cheeseburger or licking your icecream just to have it fall off the cone.
It tears at your soul with razor sharp claws. Relentless and unforgiving. You find yourself falling into a vast abys and the only other person there is the one you decided to fall in love with. Love will steal your heart by slapping you in the face with a half eaten quesadilla. It will dump water all over your bed and laugh. Love will chase you down and hit you with a rolled up hand towel. Love will smack your hand with a wooden spoon. Love will make a mess of your kitchen and not clean it up. Love will steal your socks, eat your food, take your coffee and make you lose at mario cart. Love will call you on the phone and break your heart and love WILL NOT put it back together.
Love will always be there, staring you in the face but remaining untouchable.
When you love someone and can't have them you die a little more inside everytime you see them. You can't look them in the eyes because it reminds you of the memories you want to forget. It makes you remember them laying their head onto your lap and looking up at you with those big, round, brown eyes. It makes you remember the glimmer that showed only when he looked at you. It reminds you of the time you held him close as those beautiful eyes cried tears of sorrow. And then that memory reminds you of every hug goodbye and hello. It forces you to remember him whispering into your hair how safe he felt when you were in his arms. And that reminds you of your first kiss and then that reminds you of your last and THAT reminds you of your last night spent together and that reminds you of the undying, unrelentless, reckless love you still have for him and then THE MEMORIES KEEP STREAMING IN LIKE AN ENDLESS STORM ALL BECAUSE You.... made the stupid mistake of looking into his eyes.
Love is not your friend... Love is your greatest adversary.
I'm tired of fighting a battle I can't seem to win. I'm sick to death of thinking about him everyday. No matter how hard I pray, how many times I let him go or how often I avoid him..... I can't stop loving him.
I loved him when we wrote our names under the chairs at church and I loved him when he called to say that he doesn't believe I'm the one. Ever since that terrible night my heart has become even more wrapped up in him. I can't go a day or even an hour without thinking of him. My heart aches for him. I can't stop it, can't control it, can't help it. I'm in love with someone who doesn't believe he's supposed to be in love with me.
I don't know what he's feeling. I don't know if he's having second thoughts. I don't know if he still believes he's right. I DON'T KNOW!
Everything in me wants to get as far from him as possible. I can't stand being in the same room as him, let alone being friendly.
It hurts so much and it's not a pain you can take away with any form of pill, injection or surgery. There is a void in my heart that I've been trying and failing to fill. My strength is waning, my heart is weary and I'm starting to lose hope.