I tell him to hurry up
His face comes into view
A big beard,
A toothy smile
I position myself on the bike
We push off
His hands guide me
We laugh and fall
Lying on the grass,
Staring at a plum-sized sun with a royal blue backdrop
I ask him if he really has to go
His smile disappears and the same grim face I see in the pictures come back
They need me he responds
My brothers are dying there
I ask him if he might die
He gives me a cold smile and says no
Instead of reassurance,
A thread of fear enters my heart as a raindrop hits my cheek
1
One month since
RIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!!
I see him waiting,
Clearer than day, that same yellow bike next to him
I mount it and wait for the push
It never comes
I let out a guttural roar
While my heart is being cut by a thousand knives
The wind carries my teacher’s voice
In the form of a whisper into my ear
Time will make him heal.
The message for her colleague was told to me
2
One year since
Night has fallen
And a bzzzzzzing sound can be heard
I zoom down the road
I feel gentle, yet firm hands surround me
Guiding me home
I know who it is
When will I forget him I wonder
I fall from my bike
I lie on the cold hard pavement
With my tears forming a stream
3
One Decade since
Mom calls for me to pick up my things
Opening the dusty garage,
I see my belongings from childhood sitting in the corner
A dusty bike with a rusting chain
I quickly wipe a tear from my eye and curse myself
Why cry for a man I don’t know
My body quickly mounts the bike before my mind stops it
As my knees hit the handlebars
I pedal harder,
Ignoring the pain.
I fall onto the lawn
The grass prickles my cheek as his beard did that one day
I throw away what I don’t need,
And keep what I need...
And the bike
4
One Life since
Drunkenly sitting on the bike
Beer in hand
I lean over the picture of him in a uniform
Heart heavy
Eyes laden with tears
As the tears fall, the face is distorted
His mouth is moving
I hear his voice and those unfaithful words
It’ll only be 6 months
No dad,
You’re wrong,
it's forever

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