I tell him to hurry up

His face comes into view

A big beard,

A toothy smile

I position myself on the bike

We push off

His hands guide me

We laugh and fall

Lying on the grass,

Staring at a plum-sized sun with a royal blue backdrop

I ask him if he really has to go

His smile disappears and the same grim face I see in the pictures come back

They need me he responds

My brothers are dying there

I ask him if he might die

He gives me a cold smile and says no

Instead of reassurance,

A thread of fear enters my heart as a raindrop hits my cheek

1

One month since

RIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!!

I see him waiting,

Clearer than day, that same yellow bike next to him

I mount it and wait for the push

It never comes

I let out a guttural roar

While my heart is being cut by a thousand knives

The wind carries my teacher’s voice

In the form of a whisper into my ear

Time will make him heal.

The message for her colleague was told to me

2

One year since

Night has fallen

And a bzzzzzzing sound can be heard

I zoom down the road

I feel gentle, yet firm hands surround me

Guiding me home

I know who it is

When will I forget him I wonder

I fall from my bike

I lie on the cold hard pavement

With my tears forming a stream

3

One Decade since

Mom calls for me to pick up my things

Opening the dusty garage,

I see my belongings from childhood sitting in the corner

A dusty bike with a rusting chain

I quickly wipe a tear from my eye and curse myself

Why cry for a man I don’t know

My body quickly mounts the bike before my mind stops it

As my knees hit the handlebars

I pedal harder,

Ignoring the pain.

I fall onto the lawn

The grass prickles my cheek as his beard did that one day

I throw away what I don’t need,

And keep what I need...

And the bike

4

One Life since

Drunkenly sitting on the bike

Beer in hand

I lean over the picture of him in a uniform

Heart heavy

Eyes laden with tears

As the tears fall, the face is distorted

His mouth is moving

I hear his voice and those unfaithful words

It’ll only be 6 months

No dad,

You’re wrong,

it's forever