Harmful Infliction

April 5, 2018
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If self-doubt were a religion,

It would be the only thing we'd believe in.

 

Believe it or not,

But there is an insecure person hiding in each and every one of us.

 

We all know that feeling waking up in the morning

Just to have blind dates with mirrors who want to see other people.

 

It isn't what you say to make me acceptable,

It is what comes after- 

The rivers of asphyxiating disapproval that pull me under,

A never-ending flow of waves,

slander knocking me down not checking to see if I am okay.

 

If self-doubt were a political party,

It would be the Roman Empire of our time.

 

Hatred spreading everywhere,

There is nowhere to hide,

Because the people that blindly follow,

Are broken, hollow.

You see, if I have blonde hair, light skin, and only speak English,

And I do something stupid- 

I am classified crazy.

But look at me right now,

With dark hair, dark skin, bilingual.

If I do something stupid-

I am a terrorist?

 

Where can you possibly go

If at every corner there is someone telling you to go back to Mexico,

When you were born in South Florida, 

And your dad is from Ecuador, your mom from Puerto Rico?

 

But- where can you possibly go 

If at every corner there is a man cat-calling you? 

Do you respond?

Like, yes, I have an a**.

I am a woman, a human.

 

What's your excuse for making others feel like less?

Did the a** you rode in on tell you to do so?

What is the point in hiding under a painted mask when everyone can tell that the man behind it is broken?

 

If self-doubt were not directly related to the comparison of people,

Even though they are the very same-

It would not exist.

 

I've heard it said that correlation is not causation, 

But in this case, it is.

If you don't believe me, just think-

When have you ever doubted yourself? 

And when has it not been about not being good enough,

Or about being different?

 

You see, society thinks it can mandate,

Uniformity above all else.

Dare to be different, but not too different,

Because the harmful infliction of disapproving judgement is what makes our world go round.

 

 

A life drowned in self doubt 

Is a life spent shrouded, in hiding

And a life spent hiding away

Is hardly any fun at all,

Because-

If you live your life bathed in invisibility-

Are you really- truly-

Living

At all?






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