As I sit and stare at my computer whilst supposedly doing homework, my focus suddenly shifts. I begin to think about you and the summer that we spent together. Then I begin to think about the summer that we spent apart. I think about my lowest point and how it was you who drove me there. I sit and think, "Never again.... Never again... Never.' The song that I'm listening to suddenly spews words that somehow directly relate to my situation and my exact thoughts at the moment. "You don’t care you never did, you don’t give a damn about me. How is it you never noticed that you were slowly killing me?" I think about what I could have done to avoid taking a high dive to my lowest point and then I think about what I could have done to avoid you. To avoid you and the attachment and the heartbreak and the insecurities and everything else that came with you. Including that goofy smile and twisted sense of humor which always made me forget about all the bad in the world and focus on the good. You bring out the worst in me. You make me second guess myself and God Damn it you give me the worst anxiety. As much as I sit here and say that I hate you and that I wish I never met you, I know the truth. Deep down I love you. I am in love with you.
March 18, 2018