The Great Sadness comes over me.

The Sadness is there

It will always be

My heart knows this is wrong

My mind tells me otherwise

The loneliness is there.

I feel alone in this world.

That is all I feel

I know deep down I am wrong

But there is nothing but pain.

I see the gun

I see the way

I know it is wrong

But I no longer care

My mind screams, “NOO”

And then there is nothing but darkness.

In the end of the darkness I see a light

The light is bright and has plenty of warmth

This is the only light I will see for a long time

I head toward it and walk through the door

I come out into an immaculate room

There is a voice deep and promising

The voice says something that I don’t understand

Then I hear it again

It is saying the rest of my fate.

I know now that I will burn for all eternity

I understand my wrong doing.

The light begins to fade

It starts to leave me to darkness

I grip onto it for dear life

I  wish it wouldn’t go

But I soon realize that it has completely faded

I open my hand and see the last bit of light.

I see that the last bit of light will stay with me as a reminder of my happiness

This is all I have

This is all I will remember

A memory flashes in my head

No wait not a memory a vision of the real world.

It is my parents crying over my lifeless body in the funeral

I see this along with others

Then I see a light

This one dark and consuming

This one full of hatred and anger

With despair being the main feeling

This light consumes me

I black out and…

I wake up in fire

The fire sears my skin

There is something else as well

A searing pain of memories.

Good ones

The ones that only make the pain worse

The ones that makes my pain an unbearable sensation

This is my fate

And there is no turning back