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untitled
My tongue ties up into a thousand knots as if
I threw all of my bracelets
and necklaces
and rings into
the deepest corners of my drawers.
Then, a couple months later
I wanted to wear
that one really pretty bracelet
with the protective blue eye
and I open my drawer
and my jaw drops in horror
of what I see.
tangled chains so tangled
that I think I will never
be able
to untangle them.
I stand in front of you
I can’t speak I just keep
getting redder and redder not
from the sun,
not
from lack of oxygen
but,
from embarrassment.
I feel like my legs have been tied to a cannon and
I was thrown
into the ocean
sinking deeper,
and deeper,
and deeper
until my toes touch the grainy sand and I am dragged by the stream,
my lungs filled with water,
my mouth fills with sand,
fish swim by
the lonely corpse.
I don’t know you.
I don’t know who you are.
And I don’t know why I care so much
about what I say and
how I dress and
how I act and
what you think
of me.
You.
The stranger.
This thought enters my mind so slowly it’s
crawling, really
why
is it so slow?
I need my breath I need my voice back.
Once it’s fully settled in my mind my
shoulders loosen
the corners of my mouth go up,
and I'm finally floating,
not sunken anymore.
What am I doing still standing in front of you?
Why am I not leaving, I have a big life ahead of me, right?
And why do you care so much about what I say and
how I dress and
how I act and
what I think of you?
Why did it take me so long to realize that the only person I’m living for
is me?
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