The mind of the abused vs. the abuser

January 17, 2018
By Anonymous

The mind of the abused:

Before she met him she was
Happy
Confident
Beautiful
But then she met him
It was like a tall dark cloud had moved into her clear sky
And was always right over her head
One she couldn't escape no matter how hard she tried
She instead made herself small and tried to disappear
At first his company was a blessing
The way he'd make her feel special
And payed that extra amount of attention to her
And that made her feel good
Until it changed
Until he hit her
And told her it was her fault
Threatened to do it again if she told
The next day he’d apologize
And become the person she met at first
But then he'd change again
And would say awful things to her
Made her cry
And made her question herself
And everything she was confident about
He'd come back the next day
The dark cloud
And say sweet things
About how good she looked in what she was wearing
And she didn’t care that it made her feel like an object
Because her mind needed the boost from what he said the past day
She needed it to feel ok
And she started to depend on the dark cloud
His hand was always on her
Letting her know who was in charge
And she was scared
To reject the hand
Because she depended on the nice person
That would come around every once in a while
Everytime she was around him
She felt as if she was seeing herself from the outside
Because when she looked at herself in the mirror
She didn't recognize the face looking back at her
And not being able to recognize yourself
Was the worst heartache of them all


The mind of an abuser:

Before he met her he was
Normal
Insecure
Small
But then he met her
He was powerful
Valued
Confident
He saw her from across the room
Saw a bright happy girl
And thought he should go over
He was kind to her
He saw the way her eyes glowed when he spoke
It made him feel special
For the first time in his life
For the first time he had power over another
But then
She stopped paying attention to him
And he didn’t like that
He decided to be extra lovely to her
Telling her so many things
That she loved to hear
But it eventually wore off
She didn’t look at him with the same eyes
And he got mad
Mad enough to hit her
He got off on the fact that he had power
He saw it in her eyes
But a different kind of glow
It was tears
But he didn’t care
She was looking at him again
The next day she avoided him
But he stayed close to her
To make sure she knew he was there
He put his hand on her when they sat next to each other
Just so she knew he was in charge
And he loved it
He told her nice things
About her body
And what he loved about it and what clothes looked best on it
He could see this made her feel uncomfortable
And she tried to little herself
Make herself shorter than she already was
But he could tell she liked it
He craved the satisfaction of being in control of how she felt
And he would go back and forth
Nice then awful
Nice then awful
To get that satisfaction
But also keep her coming back
And when it slowly became easier for him to do the terrible things
Because she was so broken inside
He took advantage
He saw she was distant from her own body
And he touched it
Made her feel less like a person
And more like an object
He loved seeing her this way
Trapped in his world
And he was proud
Of the heartache he caused


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This article has 1 comment.


on Mar. 27 at 9:05 am
AinsleyTurnedAlex PLATINUM, San Diego, California
27 articles 0 photos 37 comments
Wow, this is deep.


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