It’s as though I am a ghost moving from place to place. Like something has pushed me out of my body and I’m just walking behind it. But the faster I try to run away the faster reality slaps we across the face, the after sting so strong and yet I’m still on the outside trying to find my way in and I’m struggling to keep up it’s getting harder and harder to find myself. I think once I know who I am as a person I’ll be able to earn my body back. Maybe someday I can live as a full human being but this stress and anxiety gets me down like bricks stacking on my chest making it harder and harder to breath and then this sense of fear. This sense of fear comes along the fear that I don’t fit in the fear that I might lose my breath before my time has come. The fear that I might not be whole ever again because I am not capable of loving or trusting myself and others. People come and they go they are just props or game pieces except we are playing a different game on the same board. Running into each other thinking that maybe we are actually playing the same game until you realize your playing Sorry and they are playing Trouble.
March 20, 2018