Someday, I will stop
doubting
and comparing myself to others

I come from a family of six kids
Four girls--
Constantly bickering, fighting, always the elephant(s) in the room.
Two boys--
Whose simple words or silence can fill your heart
and brighten your day

I am a library
I have a plethora of books
For every page I read, I am archiving history
It is another word, sentence, page, chapter that will never be forgotten

I am a jukebox
Streaming live at all times of the day
Endless soundtracks blaring in my head

I am a musician
I can expel emotions
with a simple strum of my guitar

I am a symphony
My fingers flitting across fingerboards,
telling stories never before told

I am a people person
Constantly seeking a new face
Building friendships everywhere
Lending myself to anyone in need,
just to see a smile

But it is never enough
I always let my inner voice doubt my abilities
When I have practiced that speech

over and over--perfecting the piece

Then I see her up there
Her words clear and crisp
The staccato of her words
drilling her point into those who listen
Not even realizing that I am slowly being buried by my thoughts
Will I be that good? Have truly practiced enough?

When I stand on top of the podium,
the sweat from my upper lip mixing with the powdery taste of the rosin
I have heard all the others play, their stories already told,
their sweet notes already have grazed everyone’s ears

I see their smirks
I hear their giggles
Are they talking about me? Will I mess up?
I can’t do this.

I always let my inner voice get the best of me
She is always telling me
I can’t do this.
Her words need no gun,
no army to destroy my courage
Swords may cut and maim, but her words stab and stay,
burying into my bones
Holding me hostage to my fear

Someday I will stop her in her tracks,
and I will hold her at bay
Someday I will move on,
and keep the courage that I build up

Someday I will stop doubting and comparing myself to others.