I blink my eyes because they hurt.
I am in despair, and nobody else knows it.
I have to heave myself off my bed in the morning.
And I have to take a shower before I plunk back in at night.
At school, I might plaster on a smile.
I might pretend to laugh and feel good.
But the truth behind it is to make others feel better.
People may think I’m a hater.
And that is partly true.
People think I’m their friend, but the truth hurts.
I make rivals everywhere.
I used to love the homework and classes.
Sometimes, I do minimal when I should have done more.
I shun certain things that I should not.
But I cannot help but to try and make myself feel better.
I get into trouble like any other teenager.
I just cannot handle it as well.
I try to be candid and truthful.
I end up hurting other people’s feelings even if they don’t show it.
I pretend to read minds when I do my human emotion guesswork.
And I don’t know if my guesses are correct or not.
I try to fool around and sound cute.
But whatever my intentions were, there was an opposite effect.
I want to be highly intelligent and make a lot of money.
I want to be popular, pretty, and loved.
I want a lot of things I can never get.
Like, how can I get if I am this lazy?
I wonder what has happened to me.
What made my mind so dark?