I am from imagination and creation,
legos, the birthplace of my love for engineering.
From water and sun,
sand in my toes, sun on my face, the ocean only feet away.
Beauty and pleasure,
nature is beautiful, you just have to know how to capture it.
I am from lyrics and melodies,
the words did it for me -- they explained what I could not.
From dreaming of made up worlds and terrors of the real one,
the words on the pages took me away from reality to a world of fantasy and fiction.
Created silence and complete noise,
an escape I created, an escape from everything when I plugged the headphones in.
I am from replacement and jealousy,
Why can’t that be me? Why must I be replaced? Why can’t I be good enough?
From anxiety and depression,
hidden tears, fake smiles; everything’s wrong, but no one can see.
Isolation and silence,
people forget you less often when you don't give them someone to remember.
I am from intelligence and procrastination,
you can be intelligent, smart, genius but if you don’t do the work, you’re a failure in life.
From happiness and smiles,
they gave me a smile, they made me laugh, they don’t know what they mean to me.
Ups and downs
one day could change it all, one event could make me retreat, retreat to what I know.
Still, I am from imagination and creation,
the words I wrote, they told the story -- maybe daydreaming isn’t so bad afterall.
Still, I am from lyrics and melodies,
it put me at ease, made me forget the war going on in my mind, made me forget the horrors I’ve created for myself.
Still, I am from anxiety and depression,
change from comfort is hard, I found comfort in who I was, but it was not healthy.
Still, I am from ups and downs,
the thoughts, the fear, the sadness -- still it lurks, still it persists, but still I persevere.
Words used + definitions:
Elysium - place or state of perfect happiness
Thalassophile - lover of the ocean
Aesthete - a person who has a love of art and beauty
Alexithymia - the inability to describe feelings to people
Bibliophile - lover of books
Querencia - a place from one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self
Monachopsis - the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place
Eccedentesiast - someone who hides pain with a smile
Mauerbauertraurigkeit - the inexplicable urge to push people away; even close friends who you really like
Bel Esprit - a person of great wit or intellect
Habromania - a delusion of happiness
Hypophrenia - a feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause
Raconteur - a talented storyteller
Lisztomania - the need to listen to music
Ramé - something that is beautiful and chaotic at the same time
Ephemeral - lasting for a very short period of time