February 27, 2018

heartbreak waits for no one
it comes from no where
and shatters our world
we are left broken
hoping someone will put us back together again

my first heartbreak is a part of me
and will haunt me for the rest of my life
for the person I loved most, lost their self
and in their search for peace, they turned on me
they yelled and shouted
they acted as though everything was okay
they drank away their sorrows, their insides weren't the only things drowning
their youth was recaptured and solace was found in another's arms

when heartbreak strikes we ask ourselves
am I not enough?
what did I do wrong?
what could I have done differently?
but there is no real thing to be done
because things like this happen spontaneously without warning

ten years later
my heart is still broken
not from the lack of love of a partner
but from the lack of love of a mother

and now
as I sit in front of my bedroom vanity,
applying concealer to black bags from sleepless nights,
I tell myself

I am enough
I did nothing wrong
I was only a child and
I could not have done anything to heal my mothers heart

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