Why?

Anxiety keeps me

locked away

in my own home

like i am some sort of

          secret

Why?

Is it so hard to

get out of bed some days

afraid of failing before

I even have the chance

To Try

Why?

Do I live in days

sometimes darker than

my pupils

which allow me to

see the things

that scare me &

make me feel like I am

         alone

Why?

Am I not afraid of the dark

yet afraid of people seeing the parts of me

I do not want to see

breathe....

Why?

I make plans because I know

I should;

I know anxiety cannot be

my only friend for

      any longer

Why?

Mom says, " You should go to the party,

i'm sure your friends want to see you!"

Mom, anxiety is the party,

only it is a party

I do not want

to attend

Why?

I find myself unable to sleep

most nights,

mom says, " Try closing your eyes."

Yet,

whenever I close my eyes

I see the fossil of my room

The emptiness of my rib cage

My sheets constricting around my 

Frangible body

Asphyxiation 

A lesser evil 

My mind an inky darkness

no white-out can overcome

Why?

I feel as if I walk on eggshells

sharp as the knives that have been

stabbed into my back &

as crushing as the memories

that crowd my mind

Mom, won't you please listen to me?

Why?

My happiness is a fever

soon to break,

mom says I am so good at making

a mountain out of a molehill

then asks me

if I am just sad.

No mom

I am lonely

My depression is the dim light

in my closet

Wrapping itself around me

In a warm hug

Whispering that everything

Will be okay

And it has this romantic way

Of making my dreary room

And my

Creaking floors

feel like the

Perfect company

Why?

The empty corridors of my chest

hums with the thumping

of my heartbeat

reminding me that

I am alive

yet, feeling like a tourist

in my own body

Why?

Mom still does not understand

what is happening

but mom,

can't you see?

Neither do I.