Depression
A black cloud lurking in my mind
Forever there
Telling me ugly thoughts that I wish would go away but no
Matter how much I scream
They won’t leave

Depression is not dressing in all black and looking sad all the time
There are moment when happiness appears and
you hold onto it like it is the last shred of your sanity
Because that is what it feels like

Depression is not pretty
Nor is it romantic

It does not suddenly go away
It will always be there like the person on your facebook timeline who
Updates their status every 5 minutes

Depressed is not a synonym for you sadness
because if this was just me being sad
Then I think it wouldn’t have lasted for the past 4 years

Self harm is
A choice

It may have erased how I felt temporarily but every     single     time it came back worse

I know that I may relapse someday
That is not a day I like thinking about
Because I hope it never happens

There are times when I want to do it again and I hate that I do
The thing that stops me is my family

Baking with my grandma
Singing in the car with my family
Playing games with my little brother
No matter how bad things get
Those are the memories I hold onto
No    Matter    What