The Feeling

February 8, 2018
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I wasn't the only kid who grew up this way.

Cried when I got onto planes.
Refused to go on roller coasters where the drop makes your stomach squeal.
Whose palms would sweat anytime I met a new person,
or made a risky bet.

Although I haven’t always been this way
i've had this feeling.
For as long as I can remember.

Like when I was four
and in the hospital being poked and prodded for weeks.
Or when I was twelve
and on a plane when it dropped one thousand feet.
After all these years it has grown
by bit
by bit.

Engulfing my moods all into one.

Like when I get on an elevator and press seven,
Or when I watch the news and it talks about the nuclear wars with North Korea.
Or is it South?

The Feeling.
It’s definition which makes most situations difficult and
makes my emotions wriggle around like a worm so I don't’ know whether to cry,
or yell,
or even laugh.

Not many people understand the agony to feel like this day after day,
and it’s worse thinking you are letting people down by not going on that roller coaster.
Or taking the stairs instead of pressing seven.
And not doing things the “right way”.
Only the other kids who grew up like me
understand what it's like to be
this way.

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