Breaking into pieces
My soul is aching
As you sit and watch the tears I cry

These thoughts in my head
Run deep like the blood
Through my veins I wish had
Stopped at age of 9

I wasn’t looking in eyes of my father
Rather the eyes of a monster as he had
His hand around my neck with my feet in the air

In the moment I wanted to die
I remember wishing he’ll kill
Me every time he hurt me along
With the tears, I cried

I often found myself
In need of space and
Self-hurt

Never was fond of me always hated
Everything but that didn’t matter
Because my feelings are nothing
Compare to others

It wasn’t until 9th grade I was diagnosed with
Depression and anxiety I often
Had panic attacks in school

Nothing feels better than gasping for air
Struggling to talk as your eyes begin
To water and you think you're alone

You hide in the bathroom look in the
Mirror and see a 14-year-old girl whose
Eyes are puffy and filled with pain and
Self-hate

You feel ashamed that you can’t
Be happy so you pretend to
Because if you don’t everyone will
Know you’re broken

Take another look at the girl
What do you see?  Nothing because she’s
Nothing at least that’s what he told her

She wasn’t the prettiest girl
Wasn’t tall but not short
Wasn’t skinny but wasn’t “thick”
Wasn’t smart but wasn’t dumb

She mostly liked to be alone
Did she have friends? Lots of them
But that didn’t stop her from
Feeling empty 

She wasn’t bullied just teased
By family and hurt by them
People in school liked her
But she didn’t like herself

There were many days were
That girl would wake up and wish
She never was woken up she rather have
Been dead

Her friends believed she was happy all the time
But that wasn’t the case
I mean they knew that she had depression
And anxiety but they didn’t really understand

The war that was going on in her head
Day by day minute by minute, there
Were days when she wouldn’t eat nor sleep

Sometimes it was so bad she would go to
School and sleep in class she
Was drained couldn’t fight anymore
She wanted to give up so bad

But she kept hearing hope’s voice in her head
Telling her to think of the future
So she did but it didn’t stop there

She still had those late nights where she
Would wake up in the middle of the night
Repeatedly with her chest rising
Covered in sweat

Body is shaking trembling with fear
As she tries to calm herself the
Memories of her father revisits
Her mind she could never escape the pain

Warm hands hitting her skin leaving marks
On her brown skin, she yelps in pain
Along with the tears, she cries

Somedays she can still feel his boots stomping
On her ribs over and over
As her body begins to bruise and souls begin to break

Even if she screams “stop he’ll say to the mother
“She has to learn her lesson” her
Cries get louder

The pain becomes poison
Many times left with scars
And bleeding knuckles
She later has to treat

She goes to school the next week
Sore but as always pretends
Everything is fine because that’s
What she does best

She thought of praying but slowly
Lost faith in god and everyone else
Became distant from family and friends

She was shy because she couldn’t
Figure out who to trust and if she
Wanted to trust anyone again
She didn’t know how to

She believed if she got close to
Someone, they will hurt her like
Her own family and so they did
Just as she thought they would

This girl wasn’t an only child she had
Two brothers same age as her
They got along until her father
Moved in for good

Everything started to change she later believed that
All boys/ men were going to
Hurt her so she removed herself
And stayed away from them

They noticed and made fun of her
For trapping herself in her room
After four years of doing so

One of them put a knife to
Her throat and said “I wish I could put it closer’”
That’s when she knew she is better off dead

It didn’t stop there they would
Say “I wish dad chokes you more or
I wish you get hit by a bus
And get raped”

The girl already felt as if they didn’t
Love her already and those words
Made her believe even more than
She was hated

She never loved herself I don’t 
Know if she ever will she doesn’t
Socialize with anyone because she’s
Scared of being hurt

She has social anxiety always
Had just gotten wore over time
She didn’t like leaving the house
So she stayed home

I mean she wanted to go places but
She didn’t trust herself going any
Where she felt as if she’ll do something
Stupid or have a bad panic attack

This girl was hurting but no one wanted
Or was scared to help until she met these four
Wonderful ladies, they were willing to listen unlike the rest
Some were at school and one was outside of school

She felt happy that was able to
Confide in someone other than herself
She began to feel happy and welcomed

Of course, she has her days
But she is getting better which is
What matter most
Funny to say the least that girl
Is………………………ME