To Love Without Being Loved

February 2, 2018
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You cast me under your spell
With your kind eyes
And mischievous grin
I trusted every word you said
I was helpless
Caught up in the moment
A whirlwind summer romance that brewed faster than a storm
Spinning me around
And around
And around
Until I am drunk on love
And high on the thought of you
You were the first thing to come into my mind every morning
And the last thing I thought of as I drifted into sleep
When fall came and school started once again
I thought things would be different
I thought you would notice me now
I thought wrong
Entering the crowded hallways my eyes only searched for yours
But your eyes would often wander…
To other girls
Girls who were prettier,
And thinner
Than I would ever be
Girls who I began to loathe because they had what I wanted
They had you
That summer I trusted you
I gave you things I can never take back
Told you secrets I had never told anyone before
And gave you something more fragile than glass
My heart
I tried to play it off
Acted as if it didn’t hurt me
I made excuse
After excuse
After excuse
For why you didn't text me back
Or why you would open my snapchats and not respond
Once I stopped drowning in the river of denial
I realized the truth
You played me
And you played me well
Played me like a puppet master plays with his puppets
Carefully and meticulously planning every movement
To happen at just the right time
So that I would fall in love with you
And you could get what you wanted
Leaving me broken,
And driving me to drink at the sound of your name
Drinking so much I forgot my own name
Unable to trust any other boy with kind eyes
And a mischievous grin ever again
You never taught me what it felt like to be loved
Only how to love and never be loved in return

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