I deserved it

February 3, 2018

When you look at me, what do you see?
I’ll tell you what I see. I see a broken girl
I see a girl who has learned to accept pain
I see a girl who has learned to endure it all
I can’t help her, she is as broken as me
I don’t ask for help anymore
Because the ones who promised to fix me
were the ones who broke me into a million pieces
I see that little girl I use to be, she was happy, innocent, unknowing
Of what her life was about to become.
It was about to become a roller coaster of hell
I tried to tell her, I sent her dreams, messages, signs
But she ignored all the negativity because she wasn’t ready for that to become her life
Then the day came, the day when all the reality hit her life nothing she ever felt before
She became sad, depressed, waking up everyday wanting nothing more than to die
She goes to the mirror, with tears running down her face, takes a deep breath and looks up.
She sees the horrible person she was about to become,
I looked at her, I took a deep breath, and I whispered… Im sorry little me
Her eyes become black as her gaze met mine, she takes a breath and begins to speak.
“You’re not sorry, you tried to warn me, you didn’t try to change your struggles.
You knew what I was going to become, and you let it happen. You didn’t want to be fixed.”
I took another breath and began to accept what she said
She is right I don’t want to be fixed
I deserve everything that is coming my way
I deserve it all……

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