Brokeness

January 29, 2018
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People are always saying,
That I’m a rose,
Perfect. Beautiful.
    They’re always telling me,
That I’m good at
   Everything.
When I’m clearly
    NOT.
People always say that words,
Don’t hurt.
  But if that’s true,
Then compliments are,
POINTLESS.
I’m always being told that,
    I’m brave.
       I’m strong.
           I’m smart.
               I’m athletic.
                  I’m artistic.
But…
  Am I the only one who,
          Can’t see it?
I mean I do,
I understand where they see it,
    But,
I’m also made of thorns,
   I guess I’m good at,
      Hiding them.
    But…
That doesn’t mean they’re
  NOT THERE TOO.
I can always fake a smile,
But I can’t fake my feelings.
Sometimes I wish,
That people would notice,
   How BROKEN I am,
For them to realize that,
   I’m not perfect,
     I’m not good at
EVERYTHING,
I’m just me,
Stupid, geeky, weird, ol’ me,
    I’m not the Tattianna,
    That’s able to juggle,
    School, karate, and clubs,
    All the while maintaining family relationships,  
    And keeping myself grounded.
In truth,
I’m only a kite,
   I’m pushed around easily,
   I have my highs, and
My LOWS,
Sometimes I want to just give up,
Sometimes I scream into my pillow,
Sometimes I write depressing poetry,
Correction,
A lot of times I write depressing poetry,
     I feel like that other version of me,
The one that I try my best to project,
     I like a bar I know I can never,
   REACH,
    But,
    Everyone expects me to be that girl,
    And it only makes me feel WORSE,
Because I know,
That I could never,
  BE THAT PERSON.
I could never reach that standard
   That I had set,
       That my parents set,
           That society set.
I’m just the girl that I am,
Always wearing a mask,
          Always doing my act,
Smiling and laughing,
When I’m crying on the inside,
      I’m praying for the storm to stop,
For the clouds to part,
    Warming me to the bone with,
SUNLIGHT
  But,
The storm still rages,
        Winds pin me down,
           Yelling in my ear,
      All that is wrong,
And here I am,
   Holding back a flood,
Keeping all of that pent up,
Locked away in my heart,
As a war wages,
      Day in and day out,
I feel the march thumping in my heart,
      I feel each jab,
Each hit,
As my feelings shred each other apart,
Once family,
Now foe,
Warring against each other,
   As waves pound me against,
The ROCKS,
As the sea churns to push me,
BELOW,
I grapple with the sea,
           The rocks my friends,
       Cuz as long as I feel the shore,
No matter how jagged and sharp,
I know that I am,
  NOT LOST.






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