730 Days

January 25, 2018
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Every 730 days the human skin fully replaces itself

not one of my skin cells will be the same

I cannot wait for this day to come

The day that that you never touched me

The day that my skin never felt the touch of your hand

The day my skin never heard you whisper "I love you"

Or felt your breath close and hot

Because after those 730 days you can't say I was ever yours

My face will be fresh, untouched by the tears you caused

Soaked by fear and lies


You drew me in with your soft words

Your willingness to listen and perfectly placed compliments

I necer saw the strom coming becuase I thought that I,

I was smart and safe

To avoid the thunderr and lightning  

I had to be safe enough not to get into a bad relationship,

Smart enough to get out of one

Sure we had all been taught the warning signs 

Or been given the speech on "What made a toxic relationship"

But I never noticed the change in his voice

The occasional roughness of his tough

It's normal to get in fights right?

But when are the fights too much?

Too often, too heated, too fast, too much blaming

The blame would never fall on him

Always me apologizing, begging for him not to be mad

Maybe he never laid a hand on me but he hit me with his words

Slashed me with accusations,

Crushed me with blame

I crumbled again and again

Yet he was somehow also there to pick me back up

He would forgive me and his words would soothe the wounds

His words would make me forget to be afraid for next time


It wasn't until told me in the heat of an argument

that he didn't think I actually loved him that I stepped back

Somehow those words were too far for me 

Crossing a line I didn't know I'd drawn

And also made me wonder if he was right

He tried one last time to tear me with his words

Prometed by me telling him we were over

They were quiet words filled with venom and pleading

But never loud because we were in public

A place chosen by me so he couldn't go past words

He used his words to grab hold of me and pull me back

And I almost stayed but I knew I couldn't 

I shouldn't

Because I didn't know if I'd be able to leave again


In 380 day, he will never have touched me

Never kissed me when I wasn't in the mood

His words will never have washed over me

His hands never have held me

I wait for those 380 days to end

Because then I can know for sure that I am free

And say that I was never his

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