The Right Way

January 22, 2018

High as a kite
to escape the lies
the mind
seems to spew
without further adieu
I cant help but allow it to
guide my actions
and fight for its satisfaction
in self destruction
causing disruption
to my life as I know it
its tendrils grasping cortex's bit by bit
I starve and tear myself to pieces beyond wits
over backwards
taking care of everyone else
not caring that I forget about myself
basking in the wealth
of thinner thighs
and beauty to the beholders eyes
carve my bones out of my skin
make them wonder in
concern or amazement
depending on who weighs in their two cents
I think it all began in my parents basement
or with the drilled in sentences
that I'm undeserving
no matter the blood drawn from murdering
average standards
overachieving to prove my worth
its never enough
never enough
never enough
never enough
I remember repeating
prayers to a god I had a hard time believing
as the sins
of others
stained my innocent skin
mouth full of words that would never be heard
I drowned in my own tears
On a daily basis having to face my biggest fears
no monster under the bed
check again
no monster under the bed
check again
no monster under the bed
check again
no monster under the bed
check again
they chose instead
to reside in my head
or yanking me out of bed
seeing red
screaming that I could never do that again
dragging me by the hair
without a single care

I miss her every day
I miss him every day
but every time I try to say
I love you
I love you
I miss you
I miss you
venom is spit in my face
by two people who never gave a f*** anyway
im at fault for my rapists decisions
and the incision
one left next to my eye
and you tell me to die

it doesn't make sense
for a child to raise their parents
when a parent
should quench
a childs needs
and feed
their mind
with love
with love
I hope one day
I can raise a child the right way

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