don’t be afraid of love

January 19, 2018
be like someone who can’t sleep
i want you to dream of me
but with your eyes open as you look down at me
with blue eyes as bold and bright
as the night sky in the middle of july
like the night you ran away from home out of desperation
when you suddenly didn’t want to see me
and i realized that you knew that i knew, too
and we both decided it couldn’t be what we wanted it to
you remind me of something i’d like to touch
and then not in a good way
and something i should run from
but i could never get far enough
so don’t disappear. i swear i’ll miss you.
leave me alone. i swear i’ll miss you.
you’re not as afraid of me as i am
and i wonder if you know what it feels like to die and
i wonder if you’ll see me tomorrow
from across the room, facing a wall that is my defense against you
i hope you sit and watch, holding me at arms-length
we’re worlds apart, and yet i’m grasping your hand
don’t be afraid to squeeze too tightly
the more it hurts, the safer i am
because this whole time i’ve been falling
you make it seem like a blast
like a panic attack
is a pity party
is a road trip to south carolina
and a picnic on the beach
you could play with my hair
as i fall asleep
i know in a heartbeat, we could be there
but maybe that’s why i’ve been feeling so scared
if you’re romeo and if i’m juliet
could we pretend this never happened
instead of dying at the end

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