You told me you loved me.
That I was your little girl.
And you would never do anything to hurt me.

While you dismantled me maliciously shrieking,
The words of my torture.

You told me I was ugly
That you didn’t want me
And I would amount to nothing.

You told me you loved me.
But you also told me that no one could
Ever.
Love, me…

Where we lived was never sound.
There were men on the street hooting and hollering at me,
When I was only age 13.

No matter how much money my dad gave you.
It always seemed to find its way into your boyfriend’s pocket,
Rather than into the mouths of your children,
Or into the pocket of the man,
that was keeping the roof over our heads.

Yes, you were my mother,
But I was more of a mother than you
13 years old
Staying home from school to take care of my little sister,
While you went off to who knows where
Because you had nothing better to do.

But one day I decided I couldn’t act like a mother anymore.
I was 14 years old when I moved out of your home
And into one I thought would be much better.

But after 4 years,
Now that I see how much of a mess my life happens to be,
And all the words that get hollered at me.
I wonder what was really the best.

“You do not know everything.”
I do not know everything this is true.
I do not know why I even bother talking to you.

Every word I say goes on repeat
I am not even heard when I speak.

Everything I do is invisible to you
That is unless I fall short of your expectations,
Which even the embodiment of perfection would be able to do.

When you don’t get what you want,
You manipulate and control me
Using who I love most to own me.

Living with you is like climbing a mountain,
But every time I reach the top I am pushed back down.
No matter how far up the mountain I manage to climb
You will always make me tumble to the ground.

I do not know how I manage to still pick myself up
When most days you make me feel like I was run over by a truck.

This is still better than what my life would have been
But this is not how my life should be.
I should be able to go to sleep knowing that you love me.
But instead, I go to bed reliving all that you have done to me.