Learning To Love Myself Alone

January 17, 2018
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You asked if I hated you
I swear to you, I wanted so badly to say yes
But every time you breathed out it were as if the cells in your blood
Were deeply connected to the ones that were so similar in mine
It was as if they were attracted to one another like the stars in the sky, that were so eager to be so close to the sun
You convinced me I was less than I was worth
I convinced you that you were more than anything this world would have imagined
Your smile forms with every word she spoke to you, and your lungs rung with laughter every time she would make a joke.
It hurts… Seeing you look so happy with her
You laugh at her jokes, as if she knew you
And it breaks my heart
Seeing how much she makes you laugh
All it seems to do is remind me how every word you use to whisper to me still fills my heart,
Even after not hearing it for months
Every night I would dream of you
And I would dream of the love I wished you would have given me
You are simply so perfect
From the freckles on your nose
To the way you are so humble
From your dark brown eyes you hate, to your silky brown hair you love
You spoke to me as if everything would be okay when we both knew it would never be
I believed you
The thing is,
I do not hate you even though I try to convince myself I have
I would very much like to say i’m over you,
But it’s hard to say when we both know It’s almost impossible to be
Because when you breathe out the hate you built up for me
I inhale the love you never gave me
So no, I do not hate you
I love you endlessly
But loving you is destroying me
From the veins in my body
To my soul that weeps your name in the darkest nights
It is time for me to say goodbye
So now I will learn to breath in the love I deserve,
But this time I will do it alone.

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