i know it doesn’t mean much
when you hear the words i love you
spill from my mouth like water
so i’ve stopped saying them

i know you tried
to be a good father
to love your own child
to leave your past behind

but it’s hard when you didn’t have
any of that growing up
so you gave up
when i noticed things
like how you vented to me
like i was your person
and you needed me
even if it ruined me in the process

you are my weakness
and i hate that
but i can never hate you

i just want you to know
that i’ve come to terms
with the fact
that you will never be the father
i wanted you to be
but i will remain your person
even if it’s the most toxic thing for me