You are standing behind me.
I can feel your breath on my neck,
Hot and sharp and
Gone as quickly as you came.
I bite my tongue to stop myself
From saying I need you,
Because tomorrow I'll wake up,
And tell myself I can
Force my lungs to heave
Without you,
Yet, with every syllable,
I feel them collapse over and over
Until I don't see the point
In fixing them.
I want to turn around,
Face you, eyes locked,
And we'd be together, as if
Nothing else is important.
Everything around us wouldn't
Need to exist and we'd
Laugh, and you'd carry me
On your back.
I'm so close to giving up,
But you're standing behind me,
Your presence promising a reason
To cling to your wrist,
Focus my gaze on you,
And listen to my heartbeat,
A reminder to myself
That I'm alive, and you're behind me.
You're behind me.
And, for a second,
I could swear I felt your fingers
Trace the scars on my bones,
And I thought I heard your voice
Telling me those things
I claim to hate but you know I need.
"I love you",
"I'd give my all for you",
"I'd die for you",
But you say nothing,
And with each frantic second
I grow more frightened at the prospect
Of my eyes being forced open
As light streams through the cracks
Onto the undressed mattress,
And the place you stood once
Is just the familiar chill of your vacuum.
But I know you're real,
And you love me as you did that day,
Because you're behind me,
Because, any second now, you'll
Speak.