Drew Swift Eagle
Lately I’ve been feeling so many things
Whether it was pure rage
Or extreme sorrow
Whether it was for myself
Or towards someone else
Who I did not know…
Lately I’ve been feeling so many emotions
Things I don’t tend to usually feel
Depression
Sadness
Anger
Anxiety
These emotions terrorizing me
Stomping and yelling
Whispering and tip-toeing
These feelings driving me crazy
Lately I’ve been watching those around me
Whether it was
A group of friends laughing together

A mother holding her child

A puppy following its owner
Children who chase each other in the park
Or even someone sitting alone
Each one different from one another
Lately I’ve been aware of different feelings
Jealousy
Fear
Disgust
Shame
Envy
These emotions driving me insane
Changing my perception of things
That surround me daily
Of the things
I didn’t used to understand
That the alcohol wasn’t something normal

Nor was the yelling and fighting
Or the locked doors at night
I didn’t understand the differences
Between races and sexualities
The privileges that some were lucky to have
The affections those were raised with
The support I needed but didn’t have
Lately I’ve been craving things
The burning in my chest
As the smoke blew from my lips
The warmness of the alcohol
Running down my throat
The sting of the cuts that
Paint my body
The high that came with
Drug which didn’t last long
Lately I’ve been thinking things
Whether it was the thought of
Running away
Or disappearing
Whether it was jumping
Or drowning
The wind in my hair
As I plummet
The bubbles leaving my
Mouth as I sank
Or even my
Heart racing as I drove
Away from the horrors
Of what i could leave behind

The place that ruined me
Lately I’ve been contemplating
Whether this is it
If this is what my life was
Meant to be
Here in the rundown house
With too many secrets that
I have yet to utter in
One breath

In this generation where my
Thoughts are common
This cruel place that only exists
In someone’s nightmares
And yet I’m only just thinking
About this, standing
On the ledge that
Could be my own demise
Or a door to my freedom
Lately I’ve been having
Thoughts and they’ve been
My very own downfall
And with my eyes closed I
Took a step
My heart pounding as
I choose how this ends