It’s a dumb idea

January 10, 2018
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Oh, look at the time!
It is 2 o’clock in Strightleburg!
For I, the frivolous fabulous Francis the Fifth, now have time to buy my gifts!
Now time for me to slide down my golden hand railing into my pearl carriage to town!
And while I’m there, I’ll talk to the poor others and- and…

Ok, where am I going with this idea?
First of all, why does this sound so ridiculous?
Why does the guy sound so annoying?
What is that name, “Strightleburg”? How did I even get that? Is that even a real place?
This idea won’t work; it’s possibly the worst idea I’ve had yet.
Hmm… What about this?

Ahoy, Matey!
Me name’s JimmyJohn the VI, and I’m hunting for the legendary booty of Shimmerwing!
Me crew’s been trying to get old Bessie here to oblige, but we’re like a drunk dog with scurvy, unable to  due to the blasted sail flying free and having a mind  of its own!
We need your help, matey! Help us steer me ship to treasure, get the booty, and become the richest pirates to ever live! Or relatively rich. Whatever floats your boat.

… Okay… This idea has several problems…
Why is this pirate so nice? They probably would’ve fed any intruders to the sharks! Why did I use the word “booty”? I don’t want this to be interpreted sexually!
Although a lot of people out there probably would see it like that…
And the name “JimmyJohn”? Really? Why don’t I call the treasure “The Golden Gyro”? Seriously, am I that uncreative? Why am I trying to sneak in advertising?
And they can’t steer? Then how are they still alive?
Okay, let me try this...

Yo, Yo, Yo, Captain Kicker is in da house!
It’s time to lay down the beats, ya louse!

Here we go; it’s time, ya know!
We gotta get this started for the show!
I’ve got the time and I’ve got the rhyme,
I just hope you got a dime.
This performance ain’t free
Just like how you ain’t meant to be
You’re gonna be blown away by my sass,
‘Cause a lot of my rhymes were pulled straight out of my aaaaaaaaaaaaa...

aaaaaaaand we’re done here!
I hate rap anyway.
It’s just a bunch of words strung together with a lousy beat.
And besides, the words are normally very insulting and offensive.
All right, maybe I should try something simpler…

Hello, comrade! Welcome to Bhzrakitrak, home of communist country club!
We have lots of prescribed state fun, like planning spread of communism to fat Americans, vodka drinking, and wrestling contests.
Do not forget this communist country club is also evil lair for world domination plans. It’s quite fun.
You will enjoy stay here. It is state mandatory prescribed fun.
Come, we will drink vodka with bear and destroy America. It is fun.

… Would this writing count as terrorism? I mean, it did talk about destroying America.
Not to mention that this is typically stereotypical…
And “Bhzrakitrak”? That’s its name? It’s a crying shame! It looks like the letters got physical!
Also, it’s perplexing how flexing and vexing are their main points.
And really? A communist country club? THAT’S it’s crowning achivement?
I doubt it would even give any relievement!
Okay, this idea stinks… Let’s try this…

Hello, and welcome to the 57th annual Brookstone auction! Today we’re bound to see lots of amazing things! Now, let’s try to keep things completely cool, calm, and collected today! We don’t need any shenanigans again or anything going array. . I can’t afford to have any delays!
I mean...

Good evening, welcome to FHS News at 7 O’clock.
Today, we have a bunch of headlines we are eager to share with you viewers.
First, a story about a young student who seemed to name a pirate JimmyJohn? I mean, who does that?  .

Okay… Where did that come from? Anyway…

Then, we have news about our Lost and Found which we lost and then miraculously found our lost and found.
After that, a segment on how to use a pencil correctly.
Finally, news about lost library books.
Then, the school weather.
Then, every sport at the school with statistics
Then… Then…

Then we all turn off the t.v and think about how we lost an hour of our life watching that junk! Man, why am I so bad at this? Maybe I’m just not meant to write… I mean, is it really worth the fight? It’s probably not meant to be. I mean, it stinks from what I can see. Wait! I can write, and I know just how it’ll be done! I’ll use other people’s ideas, because I’m that son of a gun! After all, since the creation of man, they had ideas. And since the creation of ideas, man tried to steal other’s ideas. And, it gives me a way to ditch my social integrity, so I’ll have something to complain about! I’ll probably get sued, but I’m in an idea drought! I need this, no matter the friction. Besides, I could get away with it by saying it’s a fanfiction!

Oh noes! Captain Kirk, the Teletubbies have stolen SpongeBob’s spaghetti! We gotta go to Canterlot to meet Harry Potter and ask him for directions to Equestria while also buying Swifers to stop the teapots of doom! Then we gotta ride the flying monkeys to Equestria and use the Swifers to stop Oxi Clean from taking over the city, and then raid the Grinch’s cave where the Teletubbies dwell and destroy their tubby custard stash to give us back SpongeBob’s spaghetti!

Honestly, this sounds better than all the other stories I’ve written. But due to copyright issues, I probably shouldn’t do this. So what should I do…? No matter what I write, it never seems to be good! I’m going to try extra hard then! The hardest I’ve ever done!

And I’ll add some of this… and that.. And some of these… Add some more detail here… Gotta put some color there… Spill some coffee here… Scribble incoherently there… Write some random unrelated stuff here… Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd done!

Alright! Let’s see what I’ve got!

Not bad, not bad… But it needs something else… I know!

“The end”

I like it! Let me try to read it out loud and make sure it sounds good!

“The end”.

I like it.

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