fear
my brother cold and unmoving
fear
the leather chair whines under him
like the cow it was made from
fear
i reach for his hand
small, veiny and blue
fear
i try to warm his fingers
but the blood isn’t reaching
fear
that his eyes are closed
for good this time
fear
that the electrical jolts in his chest
won’t wake him up
fear
that the day of the plastic baby pool
will be his last
fear
the paramedics decide to move him
and pull him onto a stretcher
fear
that they are taking him
to his death bed
fear
that my family
will be torn apart
fear
like the insistent yelling
of red and blue sirens
fear
that my prayers won’t wake him up
fear
his face bruised and blue,
waterlogged and still
fear
“louis?
can you hear me?”
fear
fear
fear
fear
my heart pounds faster and faster
as time passes
relief
his eyes flutter open
a soft brown melting into mine
i pull him into my chest
and sob.
louis, i have you.
i am here.
you are safe.
please keep your eyes open.
i am here.
don’t leave me. you are safe.
stay with me.
please
please
please