The result of not being able

to do what I want to do:

Pursue my passion.

Right here,

Right now.

It's partly my circumstances-

I'm on the wrong side of the country,

Just under-aged to be traveling by myself,

And I haven't had the constant training 

Others have had.

It's also partly my parents. 

I love them so much 

And they understand everything about me

Except this.

I don't blame them

They just simply don't understand my field

The way I do.

Or how I feel with each step I take

Doing what I love.

The worst of it all:

They want a back up plan.

It is a claim of what is best for me-

What they don't realize is that my field 

Requires an all or nothing approach to it.

Go big or go home, right?

But the other part of it is me.

Realizing it's a real big risk to do a full fledged attack.

Am I really capable of doing it?

I think I can bring myself 

To be as good as the others.

But by then

Will it be too late?

A cycle of thoughts run through my brain

as I begin to think

My parents could be right.

The feeling of being trapped

because I am unable to express

What is going on in my head.

Not though actions,

Nor by words.

Having an inability to communicate

That wasn't there before

With one person

come to bite me in the back.

The result is my own self-loathing.

Why not just put myself out on the line one more time?

It used to be so easy then, so why not now?

Because of the fear of what will come next.

It is the fear that slowly

gnaws at my insides

Waiting for its next opportunity

To cook itself another tasty dish.

No one should live by fear.

Not fear of rejection,

Not fear of letting go,

Not fear of being unsuccessful,

Not fear of laying low.

Not fear of anything.

For fear is what frustration feeds on.