The result of not being able
to do what I want to do:
Pursue my passion.
It's partly my circumstances-
I'm on the wrong side of the country,
Just under-aged to be traveling by myself,
And I haven't had the constant training
Others have had.
It's also partly my parents.
I love them so much
And they understand everything about me
I don't blame them
They just simply don't understand my field
The way I do.
Or how I feel with each step I take
Doing what I love.
The worst of it all:
They want a back up plan.
It is a claim of what is best for me-
What they don't realize is that my field
Requires an all or nothing approach to it.
Go big or go home, right?
But the other part of it is me.
Realizing it's a real big risk to do a full fledged attack.
Am I really capable of doing it?
I think I can bring myself
To be as good as the others.
But by then
Will it be too late?
A cycle of thoughts run through my brain
as I begin to think
My parents could be right.
The feeling of being trapped
because I am unable to express
What is going on in my head.
Not though actions,
Nor by words.
Having an inability to communicate
That wasn't there before
With one person
come to bite me in the back.
The result is my own self-loathing.
Why not just put myself out on the line one more time?
It used to be so easy then, so why not now?
Because of the fear of what will come next.
It is the fear that slowly
gnaws at my insides
Waiting for its next opportunity
To cook itself another tasty dish.
No one should live by fear.
Not fear of rejection,
Not fear of letting go,
Not fear of being unsuccessful,
Not fear of laying low.
Not fear of anything.
For fear is what frustration feeds on.