December 16, 2017
By Anonymous

Did I ever tell you,
That you are a watermark on my brain?
The world moves around me, I move in the world
But you stay still
In the little corner
In the little room within my mind
I try to slam the door shut
But it always gets blocked just that tiny bit
Enough for that one beam of light to get through

Did I ever tell you,
How it feels to lie next to you in dark?
To see nothing at all
But feel the furnace of your skin
“you have cold hands”, you told me
I’ve been told that by others as well
You were so warm
Like when you sit too close to campfire
Watch the flames
The smoke gets in your eyes

Have I ever told you,
That I can’t sleep at night?
Or when I do it isn’t good sleep
I like the watch the way the night sky
Looks indigo against the void of my midnight room
Then turns soft grey around 6am
Or the mornings I do actually wake up
And my shoulders ache
From my teeth welded shut
Crushed in the night
But in that week in November
When I woke up
All I had was sleep in my eyes to rub out
Next to you

But I never did tell you did I?
And I never will
You see I need at least 5 standards to have a conversation with you
You shrink me
My bones are iron bars
My fists are always clenched, ready
But I get this feeling
You could crush like a folded paper bird
We are very different people
It isn’t easy for me to talk to you
But after 5 standards
There seem like nothing is so right than to fold into you
I wonder
When you grip my hair above my neck
(I asked you to)
can you feel the razor wire halo I am crowned with?
or is my skin too thick

this heart is rusted scab
an old one
one that has been picked off a few times before
let the blood flow out
and now the skin around it swollen red
(the inflammation response in the body directs blood flow to the site of the foreign body to allow macrophages to fight possible infection)
my scab is nearly a scar
healed over shut
but still nearly enough to for you pick around the edges

I tell the askers I don’t give f***
I don’t do feelings, please
Who do you think I am?
Just to prove it
I let someone else tell me I have cold hands
and it seems
so the askers tell me
you didn’t give a f*** either

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