Afraid | Teen Ink

Afraid

November 6, 2017
By NathanZoe BRONZE, Newark, New Jersey
NathanZoe BRONZE, Newark, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

What are you afraid of?

Is it the dark?

The monsters under your bed and in your closet? Or is it failure?

Your fear limits you. It controls you. 

What am I afraid of?

No it's not heights or the fear of dying. 

My fear can be similar to yours.

I am afraid to be myself.

For what you see isn't always what you get. 

Am I really me?

Am I really the person you see everyday?

You see a short, smart, tomboy girl.

What I feel and think is a serious, short, cute, boy.

That's right I said boy.

I am Nathan, the son my father always wanted, the brother my sisters always needed, and the boy I've always dreamed of. 

Being a boy in mind doesn't mean I particurlarly hate female stuff.

I love looking pretty in parties.

But I hate dresses.

I miss my long hair.

But I find myself attractive in a hoodie with short hair.

I think I look pretty to impress aboy.

But I want to look handsome to attract a girl.

I'm half male, and half female.

I'm not one or the other.

I like both genders so it doesn't matter who I'm with. 

I prefer to be known as Nat, because being called my female name sounds strange to my ears, but I love being called Nathan.

Who am I?

Am I male?

Or female?

I'm afraid to choose.

I'm afraid to truly be me.

What are you afraid of?


The author's comments:

I was inspired to write this because I don't feel as if I was the gender I was born with, but I don't mind dressing as a girl.

I was angry when my mother repeatedly said that I was a girl and shouldn't be doing things boys do. 

My heart doesn't know what to do, so I wrote this to ease my worries. 


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