A letter to my ex best friend

November 13, 2017

You told me to stop writing
And I saw that as an invitation to stop loving and dreaming
And feeling. At all.

You expected me to pick you over my passion
You left me over and over
And I apologized each and every time

You occupied my mind
From slicing your wrists
To you leaving the words dangling on your lips

You still left me and I still apologized
Me, hiding behind worries
And watching you hide behind lies

All I ever did was try
After the final fight, all I did was cry
And all you did was continue your life

I try to smile
But you took my happiness away
I gave up writing for weeks, expecting a smile to creep onto your cheeks

I expected you to be proud of what you did
And how I hid any trace of poetry from my fingertips
But happiness still doesn’t drip from my words or lips

We’ve been off and on for 5 years
But every time, you’re the one to disappear
I am so scared that you’ll leave again

Your mind drips stars
And they’re beautiful, but they burn me
You’re not used to how you can melt my thoughts and change me, so easily

You tell me to stop writing, and I listened with glistening eyes
And a heart that grew with the insults you threw
But my thoughts didn’t smolder at the sight of yours this time






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